"I do genuinely feel bad about disrespecting something you seem to find important. Had I kown, I would not have said anything". Dear whoever feels like reading this, let me explain to you a little example of standard sexism that happened to me just last week. Before going any further into this I should probably just explain that I am sick and tired of experiencing things like this and m becoming more and more vocal about it. I am truly trying to refrain from giving off an 'angry feminist' vibe which is why I'm trying to find other places to vent so my friends don't get the full blow of it every time. Okay so let's go into a lovely story that seems to have confused one of my male friends whereas every female friend I have spoken to about this seems to totally understand. Some random person I somewhat knew asked me out to drinks. I find it difficult to say no and so agreed to go for a drink with him then and there (thinking then I'd have it over with). We finished the drinks and he offered to pay, I insisted. He then paid by card so I gave my share of the drinks to him. A few days later he gave me a typed note with a 2 euro coin in it. It had somehow bothered him so much that he felt as though he should address the fact that "treating a women is something [he] always do[es]" and that I should consider this a "gift so I can treat [my]self to something nice". If you, like this guy, are still confused let me break it down for you. I didn't know this guy and genuinely didn't know how to turn him down after he'd gone through the effort of asking me for a drink. He paid for both of us by card and I took the effort of giving him the money for my drink and I feel as though at this point it should have twigged that I wanted to pay. Mistake #1: Not letting me pay for my own drinks. This one should feel quite obvious. I am not some weak person that can't afford 2 euros for their drink. Even if that isn't what he wanted to imply. I clearly wanted to pay for my own drinks and ignoring that feels as though he doesn't care/understand that I have my own wishes and thoughts. Mistake #2: I didn't mention this before, but he then tried to apologise by saying that he hadn't clarified whether it was a date or a drink between friends. At this point the message appparently still hadn't quite sunk in. If you are as dense as this person apparently was let me say it one more time: that distinction should not make any difference. Maybe it makes a difference to whether the guy offers to pay but that's not my problem. An offer is fine, I don't really mind but the insisting irritates me and, this way, definitely has some undertones of being indebted to the other. Mistake #3: Now we have come full circle. His third and final mistake was the quote I started with because it somehow undermines everything I have just tried to address. Sexism is a universal, ingrained thing. It is something that affects every girl out there whether they're aware of it or not.
Okay okay okay, I have just really knit-picked at this situation and you might be thinking I'm taking it a bit too far. Here's the thing though, this happens so often I'm getting sick and tired of every 'little' thing. And am trying to point it out. A few weeks ago we had a 'Music Poetry Amnesty Night'. It was generally a very pleasurable evening and there was a very hopeful, lovey vibe going round. Then me, the angry feminist, came round and read a little hand-written story that I felt like sharing here too. I promised it would be the last time I would openly address somthing like that and then a few weeks later this happened. I suppose menntioning something only once doesn't really make a difference after all.
The word 'feminist' is quite a controversial thing. My brother and my dad say we're just not listening. They believe in equality but feminists just don't like men. I tell them they do, but they ask where men are in the term then? They don't understand when I was 4 I'd already learnt that girls are clever but also very weak. I remember saying this. Before I could read write or hardly even speak. As I got older I heard: women dress to look sexy to men, why else are you wearing those skinny jeans! hadn't even considered that cause, at the time, I was only 14. At the age of 16 was the first time I was truly scared. Broad daylight, 3 guys, I was surrounded, but nobody cared. People talk about the sexism, far away, around the world Pretending like I don't experience it even though I'm a girl The easiest thing is to be quiet and to pretend everything's okay To ignore those little comments but is it really too much to say Don't scream or yell when I go out for a run Don't toot or whistle when I'm outside alone Don't grab me or follow me when I'm walking back home When coming to UCR, I asked my tutor for advice He interrupted me mid-sentence with the following lines "So does it bother you when men stare at you the way they just did, Or does it happen so often you're now just kind of used to it?" I think he meant it in a genuine way But I felt embarrassed, and figured he didnt care about my questions anyway Speaking of UCR, every now and then I hear a few comments like: "That chair is smaller, you're a girl, you can sit there" Or "My wife will help today, cause I have better things to do elsewhere" I've heard stories of how he forces himself to their bedrooms and then refuses to leave I couldn't focus in Elliott while someone was proudly flaunting their sexist belief Don't you dare tell me sexism isn't real While every girl, I've ever spoken to has some story to reveal This message isn't just for me, it's also for you Men are strong, clever and brave, but women are too How about we actively question passing statements or help each other out How about instead of fighting over the term we remember what the term was actually about You are not an object, don't let anyone take that away I don't care what people decide to call it, have some respect and it might just all be okay
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Hi There!
I'm a university student who loves to keep themselves busy with anything but university work. I also enjoy looking like a banana as you can tell from all the yellow coat pictures. I've somehow managed to turn into a music and photography geek. I'm not entirely sure how that happened but let's just go with it. That seems to be my life motto at the moment.
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April 2018
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