I always considered it my favourite word simply because of the hope it naturally brings. The word 'eucatastrophe' was first coined by Tolkien and, as far as I interpreted it, it refers to the desperation for the author to have a happy ending. Even when the situation seems utterly hopeless, the author can just include some magical or unexpected event inevitably leading to the happy ending so desperately sought after by the author and their readers. The fairy tale idea of some magical kiss that solves all problems, the cliche 'it was all dream' concept or even some eureka revelation by the protagonist are all examples of this. I am a person of extremes, but generally hold that desperation for a happy ending regardless of the situation (who doesn't I guess). Nonetheless, being a person extremes, means I sometimes also have some lows. Winter time is always a good transition period to said lows. I'm a sucker for cosiness, it's my favourite kind of evening. Yet there's something about that depressing combination of grey, dreary weather and high stress that gets to me every. year. It always starts off innocent. I wake up feeling slightly below average but go about my day hoping the 'below average' feeling is because of something as trivial as a lack of sleep. It should be no surprise that those feelings don't magically go away without acknowledgement (in fact, they tend to get worse). These down feelings usually have something to do with some standard thoughts: academics, friendships (or the lack thereof), family, relationships (and again the lack thereof). This year, these feelings transcended into some bigger existential 'crisis' (and no, I'm not being melodramatic). I started to wonder about how much control I have over my thoughts, or my experiences. I have experienced so many circular events that my curiosity is beginning to fade where sufficient experience leads to inevitable predictions. The feeling of control over myself and over my relationship with the surrounding environment is slowly degrading into nothing leaving me with some annoying worries about free will and thus a lack of caring (but I won't bother you with that too much, let's just say I stopped caring about a lot of things). Which brings me here, to this trusty old place. A place I had, quite honestly, forgotten about. A place with a title so significant I can't believe I ever forgot about it. Why? There was once a moment I cared so deeply about every event, that this word was the most important word in my entire vocabulary. Somehow, that slipped away and I stopped caring. I stopped feeling like the author and more like the reader (a disinterested one at that), turning the page without the slightest of how to turn these dark thoughts around. Someone told me that, annoyingly, time is sometimes the only solution. I'm still unsure of how much control I really have over my thoughts or experiences, but I do have control over the end-result. So maybe, in reality, that little bit of extra time can be that magical solution we're all looking for when feeling worse than crap. I can't believe its taken me a few months to reach such a well-known and rather obvious conclusion but here it is: in the end, it will all be okay.
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Hi There!
I'm a university student who loves to keep themselves busy with anything but university work. I also enjoy looking like a banana as you can tell from all the yellow coat pictures. I've somehow managed to turn into a music and photography geek. I'm not entirely sure how that happened but let's just go with it. That seems to be my life motto at the moment.
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April 2018
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