It's simple really, I have a low blood pressure. It's not dangerously low or anything, just lower than average. I get the occasional head-rush but that's about as much as it affects me on a daily basis. It's the occasional fainting that gives my parents panic attacks when I haven't 'been active on facebook for a while'. I guess it makes sense; what if I fainted in my room, hit my head and nobody was there to know? The last time I fainted was over a year ago so I'd actually forgotten that this happens every once in a while.
This morning's class was pretty normal, I felt tired but who wouldn't on a Monday morning? Midway, I started to feel a little sick which was more strange. It's never a first thought, but the consideration kicks in quite quickly nowadays. I always tell myself I can suppress it. Usually though, I can't at which point it hits me like a ton of bricks. Sadly, this was a 'usually' case. I needed to get out. I took my keys, and walked out the classroom. With every step I took I felt warmer, I struggled to keep my mouth closed because it felt like I'd be sick any minute now. The ringing in my ears became overbearing and the spots in my vision started to take over. From experience, I knew I only had a few seconds before my body would give in. I dropped down on one of the benches outside. While keeping my head tucked between my knees I realised what a close call that was. People always get really scared when it happens, I always accepted it as part of who I was and played it down. This time was different though. I was alone, none of my classmates know I get this and I didn't have time to explain it. In fact, I didn't even take the time to explain it afterwards so nobody knows what happened.
It felt like a victory and a massive defeat at the same time. I'm proud of the fact that I caught it, reacted accordingly and covered it up without drama instead of having another crash landing through the middle of class. At the same time I hate the fact that my body isn't strong enough to keep me conscious enough to sit up. Deep breaths, fresh air and keeping my head low is usually already enough to get me back on track. I walked back in and quickly messaged my parents. "Take care of yourself poppetje. Don't overdo it okay?", was my dad's response. I didn't think I was. Fainting is a weird reminder that the body is like a machine and, just like a machine, it has an emergency shut down. You might feel like you have it all under control, that you know what you're doing. But sometimes it's a good idea to check in with yourself.
If you're reading this just have a quick reflection moment. When's the last time you had a good night sleep or did nothing without feeling guilty about it? When is the last time you didn't get wound up over something you shouldn't or obsessed over something someone said? Maybe it's time to slow it down and re-check your happiness and health. Maybe it's time to care a little less.
I'm a university student who loves to keep themselves busy with anything but university work. I also enjoy looking like a banana as you can tell from all the yellow coat pictures. I've somehow managed to turn into a music and photography geek. I'm not entirely sure how that happened but let's just go with it. That seems to be my life motto at the moment.